dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
