i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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