I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
