I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
