i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
