i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
