literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
