We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
