I'm so fucking centered right now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
