frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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