That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
