yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
