I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
handjob tips. give me some.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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