you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
