i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
