dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
