I need help removing her.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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