He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
