i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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