It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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