do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
