Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
