it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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