hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
