I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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