Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
