In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
