Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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