he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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