I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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