Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
