we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This couple is walking their pig around campus
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
