My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
