Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
