I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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