If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
