i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
well you can't waste a boner
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In other news, I just burned my penis
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
