but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
