If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This baby is an asshole
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
