This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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