I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
