i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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