my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
