Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
