I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
