Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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