also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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