i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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