happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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