they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
