Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
