We need to rekindle our bromance
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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